The Conversation

This can wait no-more, else I'll forget everything but just a glimpse of the grandiose reality would be. what will be left. Ok so whats with all these high-flowing words.. Well no its not a very big deal, actually, if you go by words. Maybe you already know- what you'll read now, but still somehow, sometimes, when we revisit an idea - in some specific time, it makes so much sense, as if the key of the whole cryptic jumble, we kept hearing - is right here, in this moment. Well ya ya its the " know thy self" stuff kind of or maybe " how to be successful in your life" stuff or maybe not even that but "meaning of life". Ok so much so for the initiation.

Ok this is where I'll tell one mess-table conversation I had with a person and it was so very apt, that I couldn't resist jotting it here, for time eternal. Just that its 2 days since then and I already have forgotten a major chunk, a vague outlines and few sentences is what I have. But even those seems worthy of words.. So this girl/lady - was telling me about- how she is taking Japanese class, after not getting the opportunity in 1st list, since it was first come first serve basis but then got it as many people dint joined. She is kind of "self made girl" , just that its not just "made"  - its "self learned" as well.

Ya kind of like Eklavya- though the span is less and dramatic skills achieved by Eklavya is pretty more. So leaving the level of expertise, I'll focus on the perspective change it brought to her.

So I told her, I am postponning learning swimming entirely, as I am scared of going in depth.

Then she narrated how she learnt all kinds of swimming styles and techniques and perspectives of how to survive in deep waters, from shallow region to depths, to 2 hours per day, 1 km per hour to 12 hours 11km one day non-stop endeavor in "Swimmathon" 6 months later. One of the very few in the campus, who could  do that, when campus is full of regular swimmers, inter-iit and swimming champions. So I guess in the end, its all "perseverance". I knew about her swimmathon effort and was really intrigued and impressed, since it was a very big deal - since she was also not an athlete or one with high stamina. So it seemed a magic to me.

The journey of this "was not in the end- result of swimmathon", but it was in her eyes when she told me and encouraged me to just go, try and try it on my own. Instead of waiting for the day to come or someone to teach- with a magic-wand one day. She said "learning it I felt, "if I can do this, I can definitely do my PhD" and trust me - if only I could reproduce her eyes and expression that time- you would feel the true joy, the exalting joy, the bliss of the best of world.

That day I wondered, wow, it must be amazing - to learn it on your own. In this era of coaching classes and hype of how you turn out to be the sum total of which school you attended, what was its world rating, who was your teacher, what was his world ranking, how much money you invested...

Somehow - this whole system of education couldn't make me feel - one such moment of pure pleasure of learning, in my 18 years of being a part of academic environment. What was so elegant and mesmerizing about it - was its simplicity. Do it - just go try and retry, if you can do that, you would know the feeling I can do anything on this earth.. with no such notions of how much would I need before even trying.

This made more sense, as it made me recollect " how desperate I felt- when I could not go to 'kota' for the coaching for IIT-JEE just after 10th, it made me feel I won't get selected, I am useless - without that kota-brand and somehow I lost my sense of joy of learning. Even though I went to Kota after 12th - but it was the most horrible time I have ever seen, though I have seen very less - I am sure, being a fairly protected being.

Given a magic wand - I'll teach each and every child and person in this country - that "its what you think it to be" . You make your own castles and jails.. and you break them .. its all the mental image .

You can do "what you think you can" . Now I have heard/read/used this almost zillion times to the extent that now I want to shun and throw the book in the face of author - if he dare mention it again,

as I am fed-up of this being said again and again - as if such a "secret" is being told. Which will be your fairy and create your magical world for you.

But even that time, listening it from her, one who actually tried and learnt it  - I felt, I never knew its meaning before. My own "mental block and labels of " I am not this, I can't do this, I am so horrible at this, I am gonna screw this up' I am pathetic at this.. all such instances and barriers and limits - I had set for myself danced before my eyes.. I felt like a stupid scared child, fearing an unknown monster and hiding in a nook in the barred castle of her own mind. wondering all the while how did I end up here and why is it so messed up.......

This was liberating. Not that I went just that moment and started learning the long- postponed deep water swimming exercise..but still every time I am thoughtless, workless - that castle springs up in mind and I try to break - one bar and imagine all the bars to break and flying to  a complete freedom.. and this feeling is something I want to go back again and again and live it the longest possible. Hope reading this post - will remind me " what exactly I mean" again after few months - when I would certainly have gone back to same uncertain, unknown self and caught in the web - seemingly so complex. Hope I did justice to the thought. "You are sum of what you believe and imagine yourself to be" I think I read it somewhere(so can't share the source).. but this is what it is to take and incorporate, at the end ..