The Turn of the Screw..

Its kids after all, reading too much into their words, trying to see a reality, which only she could see, through words of innocent kids. Yet the house maid, tells her all the names with the details she gives of the ghosts and gives a story which can never be verified, who will account for that. Yet her utterances towards the end, to the kids sound too heavy and kids response is to the literal question than the intended meaning she deciphers
and is trying to portray ""While you," I concurred, "caught your death in the night air!" "...it seems too much of drama on only 1 person's account.
Its interesting why would kids arrange amongst themselves to assure the governess that "he was BAD"!. Innocence? but still ..had they seen the fear in her that made her sit at night and weave stories around ghostly stories. If they had, why were they so silent about it? Who told them to be non-expressive about the ghosts, if they were talking to them, as the natural reaction of kids is to talk and express..in words..in actions..jumping, running , dancing. Which these kids strangely are shown never to indulge in...
"then I caught the suppressed intellectual creak with which she conscientiously turned to take from me a view of the back of the tapestry. I had made her a receptacle of lurid things, but there was an odd recognition of my superiority—my accomplishments and my function—in her patience under my pain. She offered her mind to my disclosures as, had I wished to mix a witch's broth and proposed it with assurance, she would have held out a large clean saucepan. This had become thoroughly her attitude by the time that, in my recital of the events of the night, I reached the point of what Miles had said to me when, after seeing him, at such a monstrous hour, almost on the very spot where he happened now to be, I had gone down to bring him in; choosing then, at the window, with a concentrated need of not alarming the house, rather that method than a signal more resonant. I had left her meanwhile in little doubt of my small hope of representing with success even to her actual sympathy my sense of the real splendor of the little inspiration with which, after I had got him into the house, the boy met my final articulate challenge."

Interestingly she reflects at one point on the believability of Mrs Grose, that if she had said any lame thing at that point of time, she would have believed in it and would have justified..something on these lines" Maybe it is to answer and undo reader's own doubt about how Mrs Grose believes in everything told, without even trying for once to find out the truth on her own, or maybe without casting a single doubt on sanity of the governess :D

"And if I am myself, you mean? That's charming news to be sent him by a governess whose prime undertaking was to give him no worry."

Sleepless in Mumbai

No fancy stories here..its literally sleepless in Mumbai!!! Oh yes, and for no reason..

"In a land far far away..." this is how I would like every story to begin and maybe "they lived happily ever after...." or "everything fell into place..." is how it would end..but alas..stories are all woven, played, inspired and portrayed by the way more mightier reality than imaginary fiction, and we get to see it in so many forms around us each day. The times when might defeats logic and makes people do something, which any sane person will never think of twice before rejecting. The times when most unexpected thing happens, defying every single occurrence/probability you can contrive and think of under the circumstances, when situations turn unknowingly while you are fretting away in a nook. You get the idea..the possibilities are endless here...


I forgot what the whole purpose was, or was there any. These interruptions unasked, disrupt the thought process. From thought process I am reminded, I have been struggling with this problem of short term memory loss, as I put it. Well I loose the words midway while trying to write them word by word.
So is there any way to remember what you heard and put it down diligently without loosing the later half while you finish the first.
Though I am sure I might suffer from dementia in later future, but this timing doesn't suits well. Struggling with thoughts would be understandable but
thought itself vaporises in the pain to write the exact sequence u heard..Maybe I'll just start understanding the thoughts and give them words on my own.
Easiest solution, see...

All are unique, in their own cute little way. They want certain things and they can't stand some. Its in crisis situations when you can't even have few seconds
to think what exactly you need/want/think - that instinct whatever you do, is the real you, my friend. I would have believed these high flown words, if
directed at me, in some form, preferably written (you see visually reading something, is always better..as you visualize it in an imaginary plane).
Anyways ya what was I saying, yes that I would have believed in it, just that, I tend to screw up at those precise junctures, in a manner I can never imagine.
Now I would not call that my true self, I just call it, I tend to be very pathetic at high pressure situations and impromptu decisions..its more like
a thinking cow..churning the thoughts over and over again..don't ask me "yes/no" questions and what I think - the moment you are done bombarding me with some unprecedented knowledge or information. Give me time to process it, to think of what it means in my world and how would I understand it. Then maybe I will tell what I think, a response thats in consonance with real me. Else what comes out is sheer blabbering.

Anyways no one gives a damn to anyone else. So why am I blabbering again, Oh yes..lot of time and sleep deprived qualify as utmost two options to me- at present. Since I am not inclined to sleep until absolutely necessary and deprived of any high thinking intellectual topic- blabbering comes naturally or shall we say preternaturally.

This must be absurd yet post modernist when read later.. throw in words here and there...and bingo, its an art-form!!


Arbit max
-----------------
no regrets will do
only steps n actions
towards what u believe in then
no regrets
no repentance
nothing but the current work
no doubts, no inertia
only moments and the momentum at that instant
only positive affirmations n continuous steps
no slagging no overdose
just optimal code...

Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice

So now I am reading this novel set in Victorian era, with all the flowery language and varied pursuits people entertained themselves with at that time, with all the class, finesse, demeanor, conduct and fine gallantry and distinctions of class and country people; that were believed in with so much pomp and pompous. With all its construed designs to attain the means such as marriage, which being the only objective of women in general, as seems from reading these novels.. I am amused, engaged and entertained by the dialogues, by the exchanges and by watching it unfold before by eyes, by looking at what was absolutely revolutionary at that time, and was so futuristic in its intellect that today to appreciate it won't need a reformer. Yes I am speaking of the characters Jane and Elizabeth. At 1st glance Jane is the darling of the masses, though I hate comparisons b/w characters in reel or in real, but this text asks for it or portrays it to a great extent, so going with it. 

Elizabeth, the pretty much average, not meant to be heroine, yet the central character of the novel; embodies what all modern day women have tried to become. She has her opinions, her intellect, her judgement and respect, while Jane is by all standards, the ideal heroine, blessed with beauty, intellect and affirming and pleasing nature, yet its Elizabeth who becomes a favorite, even while you reach a few pages into the novel.

Her struggles, her indifference seems to be so real, in a setting which seems so artificial- to have ever existed, but which infact did exist and infact is exact nature of the society from which our's evolved. Not that I don't like the countryside, the horses, the letter writing, the piano playing and ballroom dance depictions or grandiose of home's and the conversations of characters for that matter, ofcourse I love them, yet it seems a world far apart from your experiences. Within that setting here is a girl, whom you would relate to, most infact would vouch for, against the text and the writer-if need be, live and experience the novel in her shoes and get amazed at how can others not see it. And also at writer at how could she see it :)

Also like the kind of conversations and insight people are shown to have in these novels.
Enjoying it so far..lets see what it has in store..  

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Finished it some 3 days back..thought will add the final thoughts..well the novel started out fairly well, when I wrote the above part..but in the end it was like a fairy tale ending..nothing out of the ordinary.a great tragedy and the "damsel in distress" and here comes the hero (except the white horse- too bad, it would have been lively then)  and makes everything fall in place. Even the potential great villain is made to toe the line or rather is projected in a good light.

Well since its a classic nothing much should be expected, but somehow I felt a disconnect with the length of the story telling with the events happening. Too much of what Elizabeth thought and how Jane reacted and how hysterical/senseless Mrs Bennet was, and Mr Darcy finally did away with pride and Elizabeth repented endlessly on her previous conduct based on prejudices.

The moral? - Well Pride and prejudice should be done away with. Ok, but it takes time to do that right. Isn't it what happened here? But never mind.. its a story with a ending like a Victorian story. Let modernist weave unfinished gloomy stories which do not fall in place and not everything is helped and taken care of in the end. But this one got its closure, a happy happy ending for all. AN ending at last!!

it is what you put into it...

who said its gonna be an easy ride
who said you are living a fairy tale
its absurd, meaningless
but watch closely
you can collect the beauty
the precious shells
that often get unnoticed
in the impatience of indifference

who said you are the master of the world
who said living a dream is easy
its easy to maintain the calm mind
its heaven to improvise yourself
but constancy is a trap
which sounds so soothing
assurance of food till we die
assurance of shelter to protect from all climate
assurance of money buying happiness and health
and the trap continues unabated

who said someone has to be wrong, if ur right
who said there is only one choice
its all a myth, self-propagated
its everything you ever make it to be

be scared of the devil and the devil shows
be indebted to the gratitude and it is showered like heaven
every now and then, asked and unasked
i wonder is it really that beyond imaginations
but you see, its all what you put into it..
its all how you perceive..