Happening ...........

Today I was very moved, disheveled -whatever you wanna say , u can.The point is -feel good factor was gone , like anything.All my well wishers seemed distant n unapproachable. The kind of loneliness n gloominess which dawns in one fine day -when you feel ,some clarity missing. n u seek an upper hand of understanding n devotion.Well so was given to me today.Nothing should have made me cry like a helpless person , the manner I did today.No Bhakti song has ever moved me so much to start crying or being overtly emotional.Today somehow out of perfect singing n disinterested outlook-debating the idea of leaving immediately -go back n do some assignments out of plethora pending ; somehow I sat there-"HAPPENING" as had been the "HAPPENING" in mess when Harsha had asked me to accompany her, and as has been when I somehow resolved to go n sit with person I dint wanted to initially.Well its amazing-once The tears started rolling -I knew I cant control them, but I dint knew what was I crying for?? The unease I had born today? my regrets at not following the Kriya daily? my casual attitude to all the n resolutions I had taken this year? A picture of Krishna being the Form we seek? A question of why I had somehow got my faith on God shattered once n shaken numerous times? I have noticed the "HAPPENING" part plethora of times. The homework needs no work for me-as I had so many times wondered on how I landed here- when thats the wildest manner I could have ever imagined it to be. n yet its the best way in which I would ever like to be..........the consistent rhymes of song insisting that God is there in the form u want
just call him whole-heartedly, U don't give the best try,, u don't really wish it happen , u don't have the faith to believe in what u seek..........
indeed the struggle was persistent.........what was it, how true , how true, yet how tragic , how tragic.......

Anyways so the story continues, out of shame , out of cluelessness , out of ridicule -I started wondering , controlling, trying to evade , trying to escape
yet trying to sort out the feelings n jumble it was.Then suddenly Rashmin sir came- n it was feeling of relaxation n faith returning. Then he made us close eyes n do the few minutes "I am nothing, I seek nothing" n just let thoughts come whatever they may be- the struggle intensified , tears more prominent n emotions more
powerful - I knew if even one had eyes open , I will be caught n questioned, with no escape , I donno Rashmin Sir himself was following his instructions or not
. Soon enough it ended, I wiped out my tears as gracefully n unwatched as possible. n then the chant n singing continued.Krishna Govind Govind ....Gopal........
n it was the bliss of peace, the peace of mind , the calm of self ....then I knew coming there was not a mistake - it was a "HAPPENING" that led me to where I
needed to be most. Well yet during the discussion of knowledge sheet I was wondering at times , how much of this I am gonna take, n accept. HOw much of this is true?
HOw much of this holds? n is it anyway fake? donno - but what it imparted to me was way more than the scrupulous questions could muster to break.So peacefully
enjoying the satsang I sat . Thankful to the lord -for the reassurance n for everything..........


Lemme recapture some good lessons that rang a chord -

1) Do it till you become it.........sink the Titanic of doership!!!
The first half emphasizing -practice friendship,Seva, calmness, kriya n peace- till it becomes the nature.U r no longer keen n concerned of "Doing it".
as in the useless proud n tension of ownership eating away the life with needless worries of results n associations.Eg of "Have u ever Boiled water?"
and "Have u ever taken breath n digested food?" - as effortless n concernless as that - just seemed the way ...........just the work.


the 2nd half -Titanic - was huge comparison to make n apt in a way , by the gigantic gravity being reflected n the end it has to reach.........."ship" to sink.

2) Its "HAPPENING"- for whatever u think ur doing or have done - there has been hundreds of factors playing a role.a perfect chain of events n "HAPPENING"
leading you to where u are. yet when u say I did it - u forget n wipe out the role of all others. n magnify the minute role u had in the whole affair.
JUst as the Lizard holding the roof , supporting it just by herself- ur in perennial foolishness - that U r doing thats why this or that happened.
Tensions , fretting n frustrations sprout - jealously , anger n inconsistency come.
It was beautiful , as I was struggling hard again with the purpose n meaning of my life n how much to try to people to respect me......."being the football of others opinion " is hard to give up it seems..........

3)Then he told numerous stories of Guruji - I dint knew how much to believe so I just sat n relished the idea - as u do with fairylands n disneyworld.......
wish to meet Guruji someday - to have enough faith to trust n wonder .

4) He told "Hard Work " is a misnomer , its for laborers......there are 3 kinds of people "Siddha - who just take Sankalp n task is done
people come n seek to do it , things "HAPPEN" ..........
2nd is Intelligent - he does the smart work .......the work is still done with no major though or effort or negative emotions involved......
3rd is the Murkha - who frets n postpones n does so called "Hard work " which is nothing but culmination of all the negativities we carry with us ........



5) To the question of creativity - he told "when the mind is at peace- it happens - the impressions of great people u have in ur mind - give rise to something great
from u too". Then he gave eg. of EMily Baer n some whatkinson or something - who achieved great feats in music compositions at very unbelivable age........


So all in all - its good to be part of Satsang- I got my peace for the time being..........Jai Gurudev!!!!!!!