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He
carried the idea of "not being good enough , smart enough, intelligent
enough - " haunted his days ....Wherever he went - he was ashamed of
being himself , Mr xyz - for decades had lived that fear of inadequacy ,
that
feeling of lowness, of shame , of sadness - it developed a web into his
whole life eating it up - he couldn't take the best job he always coveted -
he staggered in the interviews despite being the best one available ,
he couldn't be socially connected- he ruined every relation with
apologies n
fears - his comments n his insecurities . Never he objected to being
called sub standard , never he doubted he was always and will always be
like this - he tried hiding it all , yet there he lay - all day long
fearing , discouraged n in deep pain of shame of being what -he did not
wish to be - n failure to be he who he thought he should be - the
insufficient being among the mass- to be shadowed , to be ruined , to
suffer , to be in pain.................
each little instance was gigantic in impact on his sub conscious , each little fall - was a valley of end -
n
that day he was strolling around when the glance fell on the most
gifted face he had ever seen . A face beyond - expectations and stabs of
pain , a
face of bliss, the god's mirror image reflecting in his eyes .
Breakdown or spiritual awakening can be the only two options
a persistent struggle b/w shame, fear
.Vulnerable
, struggle for worthiness- a birthplace of belonging, joy, of
compassion, creativity , of love . Beyond help.......need some
strategies.
it is what it is - neither good nor bad. Choices we make - with the vulnerability , how it impacts the choices I make.
When we are waiting for a call ,when we got hurt by some comment five days before in a casual conversation.
The world around , not fixed , ready to stab back any moment .
Addiction
to offer a short relief , but problem persists. We cant numb a notion ,
just a few hours on unknown chats n bottle of bears - to numb all
feelings - n feel vulnerable n its a vicious chain.Make everything uncertain to certain . I am right , ur wrong shut up.
The more afraid , the more vulnerable - more of it is .....blame n increase .
blame is way to discharge pain n discomfort .
U are worthy of love and compassion, don't pretend theirs no vulnerabilities
or no struggle - its all their .Yet accept it and move on .....
be real , be sorry , be sane .Don't try to shut away the emotions.
belief , passion , love nurture us , try to nurture them as much as you can .
I am enough , stop screaming n stop listening - connect to people around you .
When I am on the verge of bliss - I picture the worst thing happening - on my promotion , I picture plane crash . Loosing
tolerance for vulnerability .We can't accept weakness, Joy becomes
foreboding .Disappointment as a lifestyle , Getting side tracked that nobody will invite us to play , perfection is a shield, culture of scarcity , we are good enough , certain enough , extraordinary , or meaning less life.
vulnerabilities -faith = extremism.
constantly collecting images of scarcity, to care about something passionately is vulnerability - stop and think what we have practice
gratitude.know what you have , honor that - its truly extra-ordinary -
family , friends, nature , community -be grateful and honor that.
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like a fly sticks to nectar , i stick to words
they just have the most beautiful world in them
its all about the expression
excellence , intellect , improvisation and inculcation
appreciation of the beautiful
and amazed or awe-struck
