hedonistic

words choke down my throat
some emotions become overpowering
but lenting words to them
seems total waste
as no-one will understand
agony of wailing heart


all want to have a hearty laugh
just plain laugh, at any cost
rest seems all too lame
noone wants to sort out the emotions
noone wants a deep portrayal
noone wants even remote analysis

its world of superficiality
age of coffee and fake confidence
where you just laugh
at any random thing
you don’t mean anything you say
you just wanna be gay

what a hedonistic society
no philosophy as it bores
no poetry as its cliche
no love, no emotions
they are too overt things
just too complex to indulge in
lemme be a merry being
living on the surface
don’t scratch even a layer
its all unattended mess

musings..

All my musings is me caught in other's shoes, trying to fit in and see where it hurts the most. How will I manage to walk with all the obstacle on the way. How and why I make the choices I would make, will I make the same choices again or will I be any different or the same. What will go behind the scene's in my mind, what will be the real self behind the image in real.

Is the beggar on street, roaming unaware, here and there, is that in real self?  Is that haughty tough girl, in the top notch position, really that tough? Is she the bitch she is made out to be, what n why's of each of her decisions, her struggle's, her turmoil, her coming in terms with life and yet a consistent struggle. That girl bearing the unworkable marriage for society's sake, is really a coward with nowhere to go or she is redefining love, in her own unique way, offering her as sacrifice if yes than how does it feels to take the derision and mistrust and beatings from the being you have dedicated yourself for. Why that girl with extreme humanity is caught up with a beast or what about that man, is he really an incarnation of beast? What goes in his mind each time he abuses his wife, what's behind when he cheats and laments.

What is it with life that makes it so very different, unpredictable and incomprehensible. Everyone lives a tale, the depth of which is unapparent and never be fully fathomed. I try to go behind each such life, his thoughts and each such mind  and get to the how's n why's of that life. Measure each fear, shed every tear and bear every burden which comes with the choices of that person and then writing it I feel above the measures of society, above any criticism and paths than it seems its the best that could ever be. It is simply unexplainable that makes me write. Its in a way is to come to terms with this life .

path of separation - (for u girl's who can never be sure..!!)

today again i thought of u
that why you had to go,
why it was like it was
why it couldn’t be more pro,
why  was i not myself
why i let u go

was it destined to end
just with a stroke,
as if nothing could be done,
nothing could be said,
nothing could be heard,
it was the ultimate end,
it was doomed and religiously met,

but then i had forgotten your memories
successfully after all the efforts,
just when i was rejoicing my win
of having done away with it
it came as a logical question
weren’t we were meant to be together
wasn’t you the one ..

then why with a stroke you went
why couldn’t you have told
what you saw n felt
way before
why you waited till i realized
why then you ended it all
just when i regained my senses

anyways now you are absolutely gone
almost a reconciled past
yet i wonder why it was the way it was
maybe it was for the best
maybe not,
who knows

yet i will think of it time n again
n wonder if it was always written like that
or we formulated the path
the path of separation
as the end